My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
