He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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