at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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