can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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