wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My cat gives me a boner
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
