You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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