why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
