the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize