apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
