Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
