Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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