I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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