I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize