She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
