worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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