John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
