OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
