she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
