PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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