Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
