don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
