She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
