Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
