Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
