I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
