I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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