just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
