you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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