im six kinds of drunk right now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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