Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
