On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize