I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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