Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
