its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
