apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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