Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
