I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
