You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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