He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
