if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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