fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
