i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
