God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
