Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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