Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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