Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
