Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
its liver damage thursday
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
