bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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