My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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