wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
