he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
