I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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