were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
