I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
