If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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