I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
