mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this will be a night to untag.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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