She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
