i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
