well you can't waste a boner
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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