My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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