whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
