a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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