everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
