She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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