Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
