I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
