i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
