Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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