I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
