I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
