She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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