Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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