where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
where am i from again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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