you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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