no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
