Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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