end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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