Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
