So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
