Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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