Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
