Yo dont text me then not text me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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